On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
