Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize