I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
