I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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