i just wanna soil my oats bro
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize