i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize