Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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