you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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