why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
