She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
