If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
