it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i came on her dog
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
