No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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