Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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