She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
