At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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