but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this will be a night to untag.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize