if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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