Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
