ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
