Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
