Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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