I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had sex on a roof
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
