My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
