YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
