I think I died a long time ago.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
