i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
