My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
