Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
