Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
