so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
