I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
