I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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