im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
