he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You took a bar mat shot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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