It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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