the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
