8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
