the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
