Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
