I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
