Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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