he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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