Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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