Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
