just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
