I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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