So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
