I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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