I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
