im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
