youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
