I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
