my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize