mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
