id be glad to
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
