i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
