just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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