What did we do last night that was yellow?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
