wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize