You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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