i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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