So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize