I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
