He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
