Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize